Us 6 cousins are pretty scattered, myself, my sister, and one female cousin all live in the same town. I don’t see that cousin often, though. Her brother lives in Northamptonshire. My other two cousins have lived in South Australia since late 1974. They were 9, and 5, respectively. That 9 year old is now 59, and a grandmother herself. These cousins are all on my maternal side, as mum has a brother (the one who emigrated to S Aust in 74), but her younger sister passed away just over a year ago. My dad was an only child.
Hi Karen. Thank you so much for sharing your family relations. Amazing how migration impacts families but it also shows the sense of adventure. I hope you find joy in connecting with those who bring you joy.
Hi Jen. It’s funny that the ones furthest away, I speak to more than the two cousins that are still in the UK. My uncle and aunt decided that it was a better life for them Down Under, they could buy their own piece of land and build a house, whereas here they weren’t in a position to buy the house they lived in. It makes me laugh when my aunt talks about Poms (technically, she is one!) and when my cousin talks about “you Brits”, she was born here, but I guess she is Australian, having lived there most of her life.
I can relate to that. People who move countries and live longer in their adoptive countries are not adhering to one but rather both. Most commonly, not belonging to either.
It's embarrassing how bad most of us in the Anglo world are at family. I come from a long line of the one that moved away; my greatgrandfather from Scotland to northern England, my father from northern to Southern England, and me from there to Holland, New Jersey, and Washington. And it seems I passed it on. My son is in England, daughter in New York, stepdaughter in Colorado. My parents and brothers are gone. I'm in occasional touch with my cousins in England.
My wife's parents moved from Pennsylvania to Washington, and lost contact with the family back East. Her siblings are all here, and after decades of rivalry are finally starting to come together.
My wife's nephew's wife is also Jen, from the Phillipines. At family gatherings we always seem to find each other. I loved meeting her extended family at their rehearsal dinner.
Stop me if I've told you this before, but my contact at my main customer for 20 years was Eleonor, from the Phillipines. We're still friends.
The Phillipines may not be on Taylor Swift's bucket list, but they are on mine. Your writing shows why.
This was such a heartfelt comment to read John. Thank you. You mentioned a Philippine connection before but not this level of detail, so I appreciate the added context.
There is also the element of the difficulties in maintaining connection before the 2000s modern technology became a thing, so we should also give ourselves grace if we ever lost contact with some family members.
Then again, yes, Filipino families are super tight - sometimes to a fault. People are all over each other's business! 😂😅 but I also know that someone has always got my back.
Two years ago when I was hospitalized, my cousins came and watched me 24-7 along with non-blood relatives who have been friends forever.
In your case, although your children are far away, I hope the conveniences of modern travel and technology ease up the efforts of maintaining connection and making the most of our single lifetime.
On a flight once I was sat next to a girl who was a pastry chef, on her way to a job at a chateau in France. She'd been all over the world, and had been a pastry chef on a cruise ship. When I asked her which was her favorite country, she told me the Phillipines. She had heard all about it from the cruise ship crew, many of whom were from there. I never forgot that. I'll definitely let you know!
Even my own sister is a professional chef!!! And at least 3 more from both sides of the family!
I heard those stories too. Our tour guide in Mexico knew all the Filipino food because his coworkers in cruise ships would cook it and teach them how to make it.
Did you know that the cooks for the US Navy were also Filipinos during the time when the Bases were there? It was the "highest" rank a Filipino was allowed to have... even with college degrees. It's sad but that was how most of them were able to get here and get their citizenship.
John - family rivalries are present among Filipino families too, including mine. However, I noticed that even the toughest rivalries do get resolved during celebrations line weddings, and even celebrations of life - like funerals and/or milestone birthdays. If nothing else fixes it, it's the elders that solve things. Everyone follows suit and does what the elders deem needed. Now that I think about it, I am probably that one person who holds a grudge the longest 😅😂😅 I have been Americanized!!! But the rest of my family back home would often just say... "let it be" (hayaan mo na).
Interesting! My wife's parents passed too early to complete that peacemaker role. My wife is the Switzerland - the one they all talk to, mostly about the others!
This is a lovely piece and it made me think of my granny and her ten children, leading to my dozens of cousins, of whom I’m the eldest. I avoid family gatherings yet you’ve made me think. Maybe I should go along and reconnect.
reading your writing,I took a journey in my heart and remembered my paternal grannie.Ahh i miss her.Thank is so awesome you are able to be there when others are unable to show up for elders.you must carry a lot of courage and wisdom.Hope you make a checklist from your experience.
remembering back to my paternal side.it was all chaos in every occasion. very emotional people.I was the youngster and so I had the experience to observe who is responsible and who is just pure drama.My maternal side reading your story I am remembering thema nd teh responsible elder cousins.sigh my elder cousins have passed away so May I step up and create some sort fo beautiful like you have here!what a privelagea dn an honor to be there for the elders.. so much meaning and so much stories you have to remember retell and wisdom to pass on generations of cousins after.
Thank you for sharing this, Jen. Reminded me of my maternal grandma, who we called Mama. What a blessing to love and to be loved by grandparents like them!
She was beautiful and I so appreciated your story of family coming together to be with her.
My father died about a month ago and his degenerative condition had my sister and I visiting him in Colorado every 2-3 months - me from Canada, she from Virginia. As a family, we never tended to visit or write or call very much over the years, but when we did get together or were needed, we knew we could depend on each other. We were blessed that all of us also saw everything the same way - so no disputes about placements, or money, or health care decisions, or anything else.
Family ties can look and feel so different. Thank you for sharing yours.
Beautiful story of your Mama.
Thank you Tinabeth!
Us 6 cousins are pretty scattered, myself, my sister, and one female cousin all live in the same town. I don’t see that cousin often, though. Her brother lives in Northamptonshire. My other two cousins have lived in South Australia since late 1974. They were 9, and 5, respectively. That 9 year old is now 59, and a grandmother herself. These cousins are all on my maternal side, as mum has a brother (the one who emigrated to S Aust in 74), but her younger sister passed away just over a year ago. My dad was an only child.
Hi Karen. Thank you so much for sharing your family relations. Amazing how migration impacts families but it also shows the sense of adventure. I hope you find joy in connecting with those who bring you joy.
Hi Jen. It’s funny that the ones furthest away, I speak to more than the two cousins that are still in the UK. My uncle and aunt decided that it was a better life for them Down Under, they could buy their own piece of land and build a house, whereas here they weren’t in a position to buy the house they lived in. It makes me laugh when my aunt talks about Poms (technically, she is one!) and when my cousin talks about “you Brits”, she was born here, but I guess she is Australian, having lived there most of her life.
I can relate to that. People who move countries and live longer in their adoptive countries are not adhering to one but rather both. Most commonly, not belonging to either.
Jen, this was beautiful.
It's embarrassing how bad most of us in the Anglo world are at family. I come from a long line of the one that moved away; my greatgrandfather from Scotland to northern England, my father from northern to Southern England, and me from there to Holland, New Jersey, and Washington. And it seems I passed it on. My son is in England, daughter in New York, stepdaughter in Colorado. My parents and brothers are gone. I'm in occasional touch with my cousins in England.
My wife's parents moved from Pennsylvania to Washington, and lost contact with the family back East. Her siblings are all here, and after decades of rivalry are finally starting to come together.
My wife's nephew's wife is also Jen, from the Phillipines. At family gatherings we always seem to find each other. I loved meeting her extended family at their rehearsal dinner.
Stop me if I've told you this before, but my contact at my main customer for 20 years was Eleonor, from the Phillipines. We're still friends.
The Phillipines may not be on Taylor Swift's bucket list, but they are on mine. Your writing shows why.
This was such a heartfelt comment to read John. Thank you. You mentioned a Philippine connection before but not this level of detail, so I appreciate the added context.
There is also the element of the difficulties in maintaining connection before the 2000s modern technology became a thing, so we should also give ourselves grace if we ever lost contact with some family members.
Then again, yes, Filipino families are super tight - sometimes to a fault. People are all over each other's business! 😂😅 but I also know that someone has always got my back.
Two years ago when I was hospitalized, my cousins came and watched me 24-7 along with non-blood relatives who have been friends forever.
In your case, although your children are far away, I hope the conveniences of modern travel and technology ease up the efforts of maintaining connection and making the most of our single lifetime.
And yes - The Filipino Swifties are hurt!!! Including my niece!
Let me know when that trip to Philippines happen and I have a lot of tips!!!
On a flight once I was sat next to a girl who was a pastry chef, on her way to a job at a chateau in France. She'd been all over the world, and had been a pastry chef on a cruise ship. When I asked her which was her favorite country, she told me the Phillipines. She had heard all about it from the cruise ship crew, many of whom were from there. I never forgot that. I'll definitely let you know!
Even my own sister is a professional chef!!! And at least 3 more from both sides of the family!
I heard those stories too. Our tour guide in Mexico knew all the Filipino food because his coworkers in cruise ships would cook it and teach them how to make it.
Did you know that the cooks for the US Navy were also Filipinos during the time when the Bases were there? It was the "highest" rank a Filipino was allowed to have... even with college degrees. It's sad but that was how most of them were able to get here and get their citizenship.
All through the talent of cooking. 🥘
I didn't know that about the bases, but of course. Awful. I'll get there one day!
Thanks Jen, and yes, the modem conveniences are helping.
John - family rivalries are present among Filipino families too, including mine. However, I noticed that even the toughest rivalries do get resolved during celebrations line weddings, and even celebrations of life - like funerals and/or milestone birthdays. If nothing else fixes it, it's the elders that solve things. Everyone follows suit and does what the elders deem needed. Now that I think about it, I am probably that one person who holds a grudge the longest 😅😂😅 I have been Americanized!!! But the rest of my family back home would often just say... "let it be" (hayaan mo na).
Interesting! My wife's parents passed too early to complete that peacemaker role. My wife is the Switzerland - the one they all talk to, mostly about the others!
Then!!! It is your wife's role that starts that new tradition. Keeping my fingers crossed!
This is a lovely piece and it made me think of my granny and her ten children, leading to my dozens of cousins, of whom I’m the eldest. I avoid family gatherings yet you’ve made me think. Maybe I should go along and reconnect.
Hi Trudi, it definitely depends on your preferences, the people in your family, and the relationships you have with them.
True enough!
This was beautiful and heartwarming ❤️
Glad you think so Tracy! Thank you.
reading your writing,I took a journey in my heart and remembered my paternal grannie.Ahh i miss her.Thank is so awesome you are able to be there when others are unable to show up for elders.you must carry a lot of courage and wisdom.Hope you make a checklist from your experience.
remembering back to my paternal side.it was all chaos in every occasion. very emotional people.I was the youngster and so I had the experience to observe who is responsible and who is just pure drama.My maternal side reading your story I am remembering thema nd teh responsible elder cousins.sigh my elder cousins have passed away so May I step up and create some sort fo beautiful like you have here!what a privelagea dn an honor to be there for the elders.. so much meaning and so much stories you have to remember retell and wisdom to pass on generations of cousins after.
It definitely takes an effort - a lot of it - and there would be drama for sure. But i guess that is what makes it family.
I am glad it brought memories, hopefully that is good.
Thank you for sharing this, Jen. Reminded me of my maternal grandma, who we called Mama. What a blessing to love and to be loved by grandparents like them!
Our grandparents are precious and will always be missed.
She was beautiful and I so appreciated your story of family coming together to be with her.
My father died about a month ago and his degenerative condition had my sister and I visiting him in Colorado every 2-3 months - me from Canada, she from Virginia. As a family, we never tended to visit or write or call very much over the years, but when we did get together or were needed, we knew we could depend on each other. We were blessed that all of us also saw everything the same way - so no disputes about placements, or money, or health care decisions, or anything else.
Family ties can look and feel so different. Thank you for sharing yours.