I loved reading this, Jen! My "NO"s have been in response to others' expectations and attitudes toward me. I am in a life transition...I get to 'reinvent' who I am, and have fun in the process. I am so grateful my 4-legged child, too, my cat. Hanging out with him is so grounding!
I love how you called it "life transition" and "reinvention" of yourself. It has a very positive and forward-thinking angle to it. Especially that you mentioned "fun" in the process. I am in that state now too. Saying no to expectations and attitudes towards me. I think as we age, those tend to matter less compared to when we were teens, but we do need to be reminded sometimes and be validated that we are on the right path.
Thank you, Jen! I'm glad you can relate. So true, and that our "people" will connect with us on such a real level. So long we can drift in a "liquefied" cocoon state between the old and the new and can feel lost, but for the reminder that our present reality touches others and helps them feel seen and heard when we share. Thank you again for sharing, Jen. I'm glad we are connected here!
This was excellent! So close to what I have been experiencing- the energy draining demands of others that sucks the joy from your day! Sometimes you feel as though you do not have the right to say No- thank you for this reminder to reclaim or lay claim to that right! Never knew that word before either- a perfect description of self-sabotage. Thank you for this post.
Hi Tracy! I had to write it down because, same like you, I also need this reminder. I am so glad to know that this resonates with others too. I also just learned this word, literally - just today. I linked the book where I read it from in case you are curious. Thank you so much for supporting me and for commenting. 💕
Completely agree saying No is so important otherwise you end up feeling stressed. Easier said than done because guilt just creeps in. I think mindfully doing this will save us a lot of energy and “me time”. Enjoyed reading this!
The things I’ve said No to, one in particular, the training provider of a course I’ve been doing, for which I’ve submitted my final unit. They have a peculiar way of giving feedback, saying the unit submitted is good, but then going for the kill, explaining why it is in fact, not good at all. Wish they’d make their minds up. When this happened, I wasn’t in a good mental place, and effectively told them to stuff it, they’ve not responded yet. Reset deadline is 2 days time.
Effect on mental state….ha! Our wonderful welfare system, who “understand my health condition…..but you have been assessed as fit for work”. I’ve been on sick notes for worsened depression, and this is the second time they’ve refused additional benefits. Ignoring a report from a counsellor, and effectively saying that they know better than my doctor, with whom I’ve been registered since the early 90s.
Things I refuse to do in my free time, deal with bureaucracy!
Sending you energies for courage for the things you want to say no to and have said no to Karen. Also I hope that the difficulties with the healthcare system will soon ease up.
I didn’t know this had a name! Last night, I was sat with my child on the sofa and realised that I felt truly content and happy. I then pulled apart my right to feel happiness to the point where I had decided that I shouldn’t be happy. Then I read your post this morning…
Thank you. You are wonderful. Sending you all the happiness.
I did not know this word prior to writing this either, Tory. I am glad to know this writing and word came at an opportune timing for both of us. Sending you happiness too!
Jen, I love the clarity and insight Datu helped to bring all of us in this post. Your insights from the experiences of your day are also so inspiring and they remind me to say “no” too. I always try to remind myself that even if my reactions are not at first the feelings of peace and joy I want in my life, I always have a choice to try, try anything I can, to change it and move myself to a better feeling place. Thanks Datu 🐶 🫶🏻 and thanks Jen ✨💗
I loved reading this, Jen! My "NO"s have been in response to others' expectations and attitudes toward me. I am in a life transition...I get to 'reinvent' who I am, and have fun in the process. I am so grateful my 4-legged child, too, my cat. Hanging out with him is so grounding!
I love how you called it "life transition" and "reinvention" of yourself. It has a very positive and forward-thinking angle to it. Especially that you mentioned "fun" in the process. I am in that state now too. Saying no to expectations and attitudes towards me. I think as we age, those tend to matter less compared to when we were teens, but we do need to be reminded sometimes and be validated that we are on the right path.
Thank you, Jen! I'm glad you can relate. So true, and that our "people" will connect with us on such a real level. So long we can drift in a "liquefied" cocoon state between the old and the new and can feel lost, but for the reminder that our present reality touches others and helps them feel seen and heard when we share. Thank you again for sharing, Jen. I'm glad we are connected here!
I am super glad to have you as a part of my writing tribe too!!!
This was excellent! So close to what I have been experiencing- the energy draining demands of others that sucks the joy from your day! Sometimes you feel as though you do not have the right to say No- thank you for this reminder to reclaim or lay claim to that right! Never knew that word before either- a perfect description of self-sabotage. Thank you for this post.
Hi Tracy! I had to write it down because, same like you, I also need this reminder. I am so glad to know that this resonates with others too. I also just learned this word, literally - just today. I linked the book where I read it from in case you are curious. Thank you so much for supporting me and for commenting. 💕
Completely agree saying No is so important otherwise you end up feeling stressed. Easier said than done because guilt just creeps in. I think mindfully doing this will save us a lot of energy and “me time”. Enjoyed reading this!
Guilt does creep in. And, the intensity of guilt depends on our upbringing and also who the people we are saying no to. Thanks gor reading, Shital!
Sclerosis always had a negative ring for me. Not anymore thanks to your post!
Oh and here is a new word for you :-)
https://phmuseum.com/projects/hierophanies
Thanks for the new word Miranda! How cool! But also, i think even in this word "sclerosis" still have a negative slant.
True...😂
Datu is so cute! He looks a little like Luna, my sister’s doberman. I love how you reinforced the idea of boundaries and to assert it via self love. 💜
Thank you Swarnali. He does have a doberman coloring, doesn't he? Asserting boundaries and self-love are both not as easy to do.
He does, absolutely adorable!
I completely agree, asserting boundaries is one of the most difficult yet important aspects of adult life.
The things I’ve said No to, one in particular, the training provider of a course I’ve been doing, for which I’ve submitted my final unit. They have a peculiar way of giving feedback, saying the unit submitted is good, but then going for the kill, explaining why it is in fact, not good at all. Wish they’d make their minds up. When this happened, I wasn’t in a good mental place, and effectively told them to stuff it, they’ve not responded yet. Reset deadline is 2 days time.
Effect on mental state….ha! Our wonderful welfare system, who “understand my health condition…..but you have been assessed as fit for work”. I’ve been on sick notes for worsened depression, and this is the second time they’ve refused additional benefits. Ignoring a report from a counsellor, and effectively saying that they know better than my doctor, with whom I’ve been registered since the early 90s.
Things I refuse to do in my free time, deal with bureaucracy!
Sending you energies for courage for the things you want to say no to and have said no to Karen. Also I hope that the difficulties with the healthcare system will soon ease up.
I didn’t know this had a name! Last night, I was sat with my child on the sofa and realised that I felt truly content and happy. I then pulled apart my right to feel happiness to the point where I had decided that I shouldn’t be happy. Then I read your post this morning…
Thank you. You are wonderful. Sending you all the happiness.
I did not know this word prior to writing this either, Tory. I am glad to know this writing and word came at an opportune timing for both of us. Sending you happiness too!
Jen, I love the clarity and insight Datu helped to bring all of us in this post. Your insights from the experiences of your day are also so inspiring and they remind me to say “no” too. I always try to remind myself that even if my reactions are not at first the feelings of peace and joy I want in my life, I always have a choice to try, try anything I can, to change it and move myself to a better feeling place. Thanks Datu 🐶 🫶🏻 and thanks Jen ✨💗