Kairosclerosis
Holding on to happiness and preventing yourself from engaging in "kairosclerosis"
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Datu, my four-legged child, circled tightly right next to me and took his deep breath. He usually does this after a fulfilling day, according to his high canine standards, filled with walks, fetches, treats, naps, playing with neighborhood friends, and the occasional run-ins with the playful cotton-tailed bunnies who love to “play chicken” with him along the trails. According to DailyPaws.com, a dog’s sigh can be an indication of contentment and relaxation.
For Datu, a deep sigh before he starts dreaming about his daily adventures absolutely means contentment, relaxation, and even happiness. His deep sigh is always followed by an even breathing and eyes peacefully closing.
Happiness is a curious thing. For humans, we might think that our definition of it is subjective. Sometimes, though, I wonder if we are more similar than we think we are - especially on the topic of “what really makes us happy”.
As I was observing Datu during his nap this afternoon, I realized that his contentment is one of those things that make me happy. I tried to examine what I was feeling inside of me, and it can be summed up with the following words and phrases:
Feeling at peace
Calm contentment
Letting go of what I cannot control
Caring less about what others think of me
Free from superficial wants
Unbothered by societal standards
As I was thinking of all of these, I received several messages from two people close to me. And, just like that, I started to feel that my peaceful contentment was slowly and gradually disappearing. Being in the late summer of my lifetime, I know better now. I know that I have earned the right to my happiness, no matter how simple my definition of it is; and, I will not let anyone - even people close to me - ruin my stable mental state. Not anymore.
Claim your mental stability by saying “No”.
Claim your mental stability by saying “No”.
I looked at the messages and I typed my responses that could be summed up with the word: NO.
I will no longer take the responsibility for people or things that are not mine to begin with
I will no longer be subjected to guilt and servitude just because of filial piety, especially when someone else could do it
I will no longer volunteer myself to carry the weight and pick up the pieces for people who are supposed to be carrying it and picking up for themselves
As this was unfolding, I absentmindedly flipped through pages of the book, The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows that was in my hand. One word caught my attention because it somehow fits what I was thinking about… well, in one way or another, that is. The word was kairosclerosis, a noun referring to the realization that you are happy and then you embark on the process of intellectualizing your own happiness until it slowly dissolves to the point of being just an aftertaste (Koenig, 2021).
I did realize that I also had the ability to prevent kairosclerosis from happening by stopping the external negative stimuli (messages received from people) before it had its unwelcome internal effects on my currently-stable mental health by Saying No.
Our happiness is fragile.
Our state of happiness is fleeting and fragile so we must do everything to hold on to it once we know what makes us happy and what makes us unhappy. To preserve our happiness, we have to learn to:
Unburden ourselves from the unfair expectations of people around us
Realize that we deserve our peace, our rest, and our state of relaxation
Stop feeling guilty about walking away from responsibilities that are not ours
Realize that when our mental health shatters, the same people who disturbed our peace will not be there to help us pick up the pieces
My free time, my business.
At this stage of my life, I take ownership of my free time, my vacation days, and my weekends. Those are mine and mine alone. Those will be spent on people and activities that bring me peace and joy. If I decide to take on errands or tasks that are not going to make me happy, that is my decision, but should not be compulsory and never be dictated by people other than myself. If I decide to drop any tasks that are not my responsibility to begin with, then that, too, is well within my rights to do.
Here’s me closing all access to my mental stability and free time and I am not feeling sorry for it.
Thought Exercise:
🛑 What sorts of things have you said “No” to recently?
👎🏽 In what ways have people around you affected your mental state?
⛔ What things do you refuse to do on your free time?
💬 Comment below 👇 and 🔄 restack this post
👀 Read more of my writings on Intentionality.
Reference:
I didn’t know this had a name! Last night, I was sat with my child on the sofa and realised that I felt truly content and happy. I then pulled apart my right to feel happiness to the point where I had decided that I shouldn’t be happy. Then I read your post this morning…
Thank you. You are wonderful. Sending you all the happiness.
The things I’ve said No to, one in particular, the training provider of a course I’ve been doing, for which I’ve submitted my final unit. They have a peculiar way of giving feedback, saying the unit submitted is good, but then going for the kill, explaining why it is in fact, not good at all. Wish they’d make their minds up. When this happened, I wasn’t in a good mental place, and effectively told them to stuff it, they’ve not responded yet. Reset deadline is 2 days time.
Effect on mental state….ha! Our wonderful welfare system, who “understand my health condition…..but you have been assessed as fit for work”. I’ve been on sick notes for worsened depression, and this is the second time they’ve refused additional benefits. Ignoring a report from a counsellor, and effectively saying that they know better than my doctor, with whom I’ve been registered since the early 90s.
Things I refuse to do in my free time, deal with bureaucracy!